Even before our daughter was born—between books, friends and family, and even doctors—I began noticing a disturbing amount of conflicting pregnancy advice. From what foods to avoid and whether certain medications are ok to take, to whether or not it’s safe to ride a bike and how much caffeine you are allowed to consume.
As a rule, I prefer rules. I appreciate black or white guidelines so I clearly understand expectations and can make sure I meet them. (Of course, this ideal flew out the door when I became a mom.) I have no idea why, but before I got pregnant I had assumed the rules of pregnancy were just set in stone. Like treating an illness or something. If you have a sinus infection, you take antibiotics. If you’re pregnant, you can no longer ride your bike.
Little did I know, after I actually had the baby, that gray area of advice would expand exponentially.
It began just minutes after Nora was born. It was Dec. 30 and we experienced a high turnover of hospital staff due, I assume, to the holiday. We welcomed into our hospital room an endless parade of nurses, pediatricians, and lactation consultants.
Those lactation consultants… the biggest offenders. Apparently, they didn’t study at the same lactation school.
- You should pump to get your milk flowing. Don’t pump, you’ll produce too much milk.
- You should hold the baby like this when breastfeeding. Don’t hold the baby in that position.
- We should give her some formula until your milk comes in. No formula or she won’t breastfeed.
These women all worked at the same hospital—but have they ever spoken to each other?! I was confused and frustrated. I had no idea what I was doing and the “rules” were not clear. Of course, the conflicting parenting advice only snowballed from there.
- Never, ever co-sleep. I fall asleep breastfeeding in bed all the time.
- Never wake a sleeping baby. Wake her up every three hours to eat.
- Don’t give her a pacifier. Pacifiers actually reduce SIDs.
The list goes on and on. After months of researching every little decision and weighing the pros and cons, I felt defeated. At some point within the first year I realized I wasn’t going to get clear-cut answers on most parenting topics. Finally accepting that gray area as reality enabled me to let go and start becoming the parent I wanted to be.
The other day, I was listening to my favorite podcast (The Tim Ferris Show) and heard a female executive/entrepreneur, Cindy Eckert, say some of the worst advice she’s ever heard was that women should dial back their femininity in the business world. She said she hears people say that all the time and she absolutely disagrees. If you want to let your hair down and wear a full face of makeup every day, go for it. You cannot stifle who you are to try to fit in with the boys.
This made me start thinking about all the other conflicting business advice I’ve heard.
- Failure is required for success. Failure is not an option.
- Speak up in meetings. Don’t be too opinionated.
- The customer is always right. Don’t let your clients walk all over you.
- Don’t take risks. Go big or go home.
I still think life would be simpler in black and white, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize we’re all just swimming in a sea of gray.
Marketing Like a Mother 